


Go At Red and Stop At Green

by CaitClandestine



Category: Johnnie Guilbert - Fandom, Kyle David Hall - Fandom, My Digital Escape (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: F/M, Kyle has Johnnie related feelings tho, Multi, Obligatory Bryan Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 14:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5166773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitClandestine/pseuds/CaitClandestine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyle doesn't go to buy a watermelon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go At Red and Stop At Green

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this half done since the actual Younow happened it's been a while

There's something about the night that's always scared him. The sky so dark, so endless and the stars are a constant reminder of how insignificant his life really is, just one in so many million. It wouldn't really matter if one star disappeared from the sky, no one would even notice. 

No matter how big the city, it's always quiet. He hates the dark sometimes, hates the way the world goes silent and everyone disappears but at the same time it calls to him, lures him out to watch and wait and wonder.

The moment the sun goes down and the moon appears it's almost like he's someone different. It doesn't happen all the time, he'll stay up until some stupid hour sure, but then he's able to go to sleep and just generally be okay. He's entirely capable of staying at peoples houses and being a completely normal person, laughing and fucking around until they're too exhausted to even move. 

He's heading towards the shower when Bryan wrangles Johnnie and Alex into the living room for their first Younow of getting a little more than half of MDE together in the same place celebration and like, he's feeling good. Happy.

The good feeling continues as he tries not to deafen their entire audience drying his hair and Johnnie is really far more attractive without the box on his head. Meghan's watching, shipping kohnnie along with everyone else and it means everything to him that she's entirely cool with who he is and his friends and all the stupid stuff they do with each other but when Johnnie starts talking about it suddenly he's not okay with it, doesn't want to play along. Is that all everyone sees him as, half of something that doesn't even fucking exist? 

He forces himself not to panic, there's so many people watching and sometimes he hates that too, that he has to be careful because someone always takes something the wrong way and he's being almost entirely honest, he really does have a craving for watermelon. 

It helps that Bryan's busy because Alex and Johnnie can hardly disappear on everyone, have to follow along with his late night quest for fruit and soon enough he's shoving his phone into his pocket and pulling the apartment door closed behind him, quick steps to the elevator which is thankfully at this hour empty. 

Where he's going he doesn't know, there's money in his pocket for the watermelon he's supposed to buy but he doesn't want it right now, stomach churning uncomfortably and the weight on his chest so heavy it hurts to breathe. He walks fast, twisting and turning through dark alleyways and silent streets until nothing looks familiar anymore and he's in the middle of a construction site maybe, large slabs of concrete piled up around piles of twisted metal and steel. If someone was to come and shoot him for trespassing Kyle's not sure he'd put up a fight. 

The weight is worse now, pushing against the sudden lump in his throat and even though he's alone he feels ashamed. He's always fucking crying. 

He wiggles his way around a few messy coils of barbed wire to tuck himself between two concrete blocks, icy cold against his back even through his hoodie. He wipes at his eyes, desperately trying to keep quiet as he hears himself breathing, an echo in the small space he's found for himself. 

Time doesn't really seem to register but eventually he's able to swallow the lump back down, fingers cold and tucked into his pockets. No ones tried to call or text and a tiny part of his mind helpfully supplies the thought that it's because they don't need him, they don't care.

Kyle knows that's not true. It can't be, they're all he has. 

But the voice is insistent, his phone still silent. 

The concrete is hard behind his head as he shifts sideways, leans against it knees tucked to his chest. For the middle of the city it's eerily void of people, not even cars passing by. He's probably lost, will have to look up where he is to get back. 

It can't be as cold as he feels, and how can he be shivering when his hands are clammy with sweat?

He pulls his phone from his pocket, stares blankly at the screen. He's been gone for a little over half an hour. Bryan's probably still on Skype, Alex and Johnnie holding down the liveshow. They don't need him. He stares some more, so intently that the soft you've-got-a-message chime makes him jump, cracking his elbow into the concrete and he lets out every curse word he knows in a pained whisper before he opens it.

_Do Ray Me: How much watermelon are you buying? :P_

Fun Kyle wants to be at the store right now so he can reply with a picture of a trolley filled entirely with watermelon. Fun Kyle is pretty far away right now. 

_Do Ray Me: Kyle?_

He can't think of anything to reply with, so he just doesn't. What's he going to say, oh sorry I didn't go to buy watermelon I did actually want it but instead I got upset over nothing like I always do and now i'm lost and crying like the pathetic person I am?

A few minutes of quiet later and he gets another message and fuck, the last thing Kyle wants is a full scale like, search for him or something. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him, knows he doesn't deserve it.

_Johnnie: You okay dude?_

He should've known Alex would tell Johnnie he wasn't replying. They've been pretty much attached at the hip for the last few days, cuddly and giggly and just generally entirely adorable. Johnnie looks so delighted when she's in his arms and sometimes Kyle feels guilty for wishing it was him instead.

_Johnnie: I'm serious it's getting late just text me back okay_

He can't. He needs to get up right now, make his way back to the store he was supposed to be at and make everything okay. 

He just can't make himself get up, the lingering pressure on his chest threatening to return at the thought of going back, having to pretend. All he wants is to be alone for a while.

_Johnnie: Please?_

His phone is ringing then, loud and shrill and Kyle panics, hits hang up before he can really think too much about it, he just wants the noise to stop.

Johnnie calls twice more and Kyle flicks his phone to silent. He can't. 

Bryan calls then, name flashing on the screen and Kyle feels a pang of guilt Bryan because is the adult here, the one who's been so amazingly kind to him, understands him without asking a million and one stupid questions. 

He answers, mostly because he's not sure what might happen if he doesn't. He feels like he could start crying again - and when did he becomes this weak, watery eyed person?

“Kyle, is everything okay? Johnnie said you left to buy watermelon or something an hour ago but you're not talking to him?”

Bryan's voice is steady, a firmness to it that implies he's fully expecting an answer but Kyle just doesn't have one. 

“I-i'm okay” He goes with, though even he knows he hardly sounds convincing. He should be stronger than he is, not someone who runs away and hides. 

“Where are you?” Bryan's speaking softer now, the kind of genuine worry in his tone that he usually gets when they're up late talking about their problems, the 'It's four am and Johnnie hasn't slept in three days will you talk to him for a while' voice. 

“Is that Kyle, did he answer, is he okay?” Johnnie says in the background, “Do we need to go get him, I think we should go get him”

Kyle feels sick to the bone, Johnnie's worried. Everyone's worried about him and it's all his fault and there isn't even anything really wrong. 

“I uh, didn't go to get a watermelon” Kyle mumbles, “I'm sorry”

Across the street a bottle smashes, breaking the quiet and it's immediately followed by yelling and then more smashing and Kyle's heart clenches as he prays the group of people he can now see wandering down the street won't come over to where he is.

“Where are you?” Bryan repeats, “We'll come get you, it's not a problem”

It kind of is a problem. The sort of people who smash things and yell in the middle of the night are generally not the type who'd be thrilled to see guys like him and Johnnie. 

“There's people” He whispers, “I'm at this construction site place and there's a bunch of people on the street smashing stuff”

“Construction site, not that place with all the concrete blocks?”

“Yeah” Kyle confirms, and Bryan sighs. “You and Johnnie always find the worst places to be but I know where you are, just give us a minute to get our shoes and we'll be there”

“No!” Kyle says quickly, “I don't think it's safe, I can find my way back in a minute”

“Hang on” Bryan says, and then his voice is further away and Kyle can hear him arguing with Johnnie who he's telling to stay behind, Johnnie adamantly refusing. It takes several minutes before the message seems to get through that he should stay with Alex.

“Just stay where you are and i'll find you, alright?” Bryan says coming back on the line, “Don't move”

Kyle has no intention to do so. He's starting to realise just how stupid of a decision he's made, that if he'd been thinking straight he would've you know, run away to a well-lit street or 24-hour mall or something, not to the scary dark abandoned area. 

But he's always been tempted by the dark.

It feels like forever passes before the group of what he's deducted is all men, tall and broad and still finding things to throw and break decide to walk straight past him towards the far corner of the block but they still seem far too close. He hides himself even further back in the shadows and he doesn't want to admit to how scared he is but when he sees Bryan coming across the grass ten minutes later he can't deny the rush of relief he feels. 

“Kyle?” Bryan whispers and Kyle crawls out of his spot, “Here” He whispers back, waving the light of his phone back and forth in the dim light until Bryan's coming towards him, pulling him into a warm hug.

“Christ, you're fucking freezing” Bryan says and Kyle just holds him tightly back for a moment before stepping back and hanging his head.

“I'm really sorry” He says, and Bryan wraps an arm around his shoulders, “You know i'm always around if you need someone to talk to” Is all he says and Kyle's thankful for that, that he isn't going to get lectured or yelled at or told he's being stupid. Bryan understands.

They head back across the grass towards the street and Kyle thinks they'll be able to slink past unnoticed, unbothered since the group are heading the opposite way and he's right, luck firmly on their side as they cross the road and back to street-lighted civilisation.

Johnnie's out the front of the apartment block when they finally make it back, a tangle of streets in a completely different direction than Kyle had thought he'd taken. They see him before he sees them and Kyle feels instantly guilty because Johnnie should be upstairs with Alex, not waiting on the steps outside in nothing but a t-shirt for him. 

Bryan doesn't say anything as they approach and Johnnie looks up, surprised like maybe they've managed to sneak up on him though surely he'd heard them coming. 

“Hey” Kyle says, a little bit out of habit and a lot because the silence just makes him feel worse. Johnnie stands up, brushes off his jeans and pauses for a moment, head tilted just slightly to the left before he closes the gap between them and honestly the last thing Kyle was expecting is the hug that he's getting, Johnnie's arms wrapped tightly around him, forehead warm against his shoulder.


End file.
